Place to put my feelings and stuff...
It's 00:33am, and my day yesterday was soooo good. I went on a very nice walk and saw cute birds, ducks and geese... could have crode... they were so CUTEEEE. I also attemped to make pizza bread (which was really tasty actually) but I ended up making one to many. In Paul fashion, I ate the whole lot like a starving wild animal. Also while I was out, two bugs of some kind thought it was a wonderful idea to jump and mate on my shoe. These things only happen to me I SWEEEEAARRRRRRR. It was quite funny though I will say. After that I just laid in bed and moided around on my phone and laptop like the true chud I am. For 2morrow (or later today as I should say) theres a painting & ice cream event at the youth club, so I shall go to this system. The lady that called me polite works on fridays so I get to see her again. My skills coach knows her actually (since he has an office in the building the club is at) and she said such nice things about me... he told me that she said I was so nice and a joy to talk to and to tell me about the painting thing so I can go cos she'd like me to drop by again. Crooodeee. Anything for free ice cream and somebody that thinks im nice. See how little my blog posts end up when good things happen??? Anyways I'll leave it at that so I can add on later about how the club went!
It's 06:38 pm, and I'm in bed, content with life. I am a little annoyed because at around 3am I was trying to make an album review... but my laptop crashed just as I was copy and pasting a link. I WAS ALMOST DONEEEEEEEE!!!! The album was The Pacific Age. When I am done being petty about my laptop dying on me, I shall add it once more. I don't think it'll be to the perfection that I had made earlier (the glaze was unreal.) Anyhow! The club went great! My PA was there and also the lady that was lovely to me was there too. She and I talked about lots of music. I got to play afew songs on the speaker as I and 2 others drew. I think they digged my music taste becuase they kept asking for me to play more songs. I got to meet this kind guy and he was trans too. It was nice to relate to somebody for once in person. We talked a lot about how irritating it can be to be queer trying to fit into heterosexual/"regular" spaces and topics as such. Which Im not normally able to do. He's on T and I'd be lying if I was not slightly jelly about that, he has a killer moustache, but we are both going to pride 2morrow so that'll be lots of fun! I'll have to be up early for the march because I wouldn't want to miss that! Everything is just so exciting and looking so good for me! I love ittt WOOHOOOO! I'm glad i got my blog upto speed with my daily life because I hate hate hate reporting the next day... So now I can talk about my day ON the day. Which was my intention when making this. Thats all for today I guess... not much more will be happening besides me listening to We Love You and Shame like those are the only two songs in the world.
It's 03:50am, so that means its been just about a day since I've added to this. So much for updating yesterday huh. Well, stuff did end up happening. Bringing up my "friend" again... She invited me out today. Which I was going to say no to, but she said a "friend" of hers would be joining. We had a little in common so my first thought was I could make a new connection... that way and branch out from there, for all I know he could have other friends and then my irl circle could be atleast slightly more decent. So, I took the risk, and safe to say that was the worst choice I made all day. Firstly, they were both an hour late (which honestly wasn't so bad because I was having a fun time texting bf during this time!!) Once they did arrive all was good. Until we went into a card shop to laugh at some stupid unc jokes. They left me for a moment and I thought to follow them. Someone tell past me that was NOT a good idea cos' I saw them kissing. Exactly what I came to see! Anyhow she broke it to me that she was cheating. Since I don't have her Bf on anything it's not like I could tell on her. So I suppose they took that opportunity to allow themselves to make out infront of me and such. I really felt so sick... I could've thrown up all over them. They didn't really make an effort to include me (as in TALKINGGGGGG) so I kept inching away to the bus stop. Thennnn they suddenly had a problem. Me and my "friend" take the same bus home so she was insistent that I wait for her so we could ride it together. Unfortunately, being the person I am, I didn't really know how to say no. I felt like my voice just stopped working and I couldnt say a word. Finally though our bus arrived and I was able to ask my friend in private why she was cheating. She just said two is better than one and I just retreated. I gave up completely and put my headphones in and said I was really sleepy (was more drained if anything.) By this point she started to try talking to me and immediately just lied and said I was at my stop (spoiler I was NOT) which resulted in me having to catch another bus back home. Safe to say nothing could make me EVER hang out with her again. Can't believe it took my ass 3/4 hang outs to realise. I have a better outing with a friend planned for the 20th so summer redemption will happen. Anyways Junk Culture has really taken over my life. I had to change the background. Can't believe I wrote this much... okay thats not good... hopefully this'll be the last of any irl nonsense. I need to go to bed so bad my eyes are hurting so bad omds.
It's 03:49am, since I've been ignoring my new irl friend's requests to come over I've had a lot of free time on my hands. I will say I did get a random call from her and that was far from pleasant... she wanted to do another pregnancy test (although the answer was very clear by now) and made me read it out to her like some new revelation. Honestly, in the nicest way... I think she's somewhat of an attention seeker. Once I managed to escape that video call on the 7th (yesterday) I went out on a very nice walk with one of my staff members and also went to the shops with her to buy food (Paul moment). I also got to be a super chud and updated the hell out of this site. Lowkey was flowing through it like I didn't have a life outside of this from around 10pm to 2am. I didn't do much other than these things, but I shall leave it at that for NOW. I have basically all of today left to talk about if anything happened, so take this as yesterday's recap.
It's 9:11pm, just made a few small changes to this site. FINALLY figured the html code for background images... I've been abusing it like crazy. The background for this is the organization album photo. I wanted to do the Enola Gay single, couldn't find one with a good enough pixel resolution that didn't look microwaved. Maybe one day I can make my website actually aesthetic... Honestly my day was not as crazy as Saturday/Sunday. I got to sleep in and rot a lot more than usual. My friend did offer me to come over but I was honestly just to tired to deal with anything of the sort (and I couldn't really get myself up and out of bed.) Tomorrow though I do plan to go out, so I'll have to hold myself accountable. I've been forcing myself to rot less so I can leave this "home" I'm in. The more that I can prove that Im not high risk/depressive, the faster I can move out. It's been draining but my future relies on it. I might crash because of all this, it really is a lot more than I'm used to but I wont leave if I dont do what I need to do to get there. Hmm since nothing really happened today I'll leave it at that...
its 01:26 am, feeling very strange.Today I went to a young adults club that I had been to before... and had lots of fun there! Ended up rambling about 80's bands with one of the workers there... she said I was very polite!! Then my friend messaged me to come over cos she had to tell me something pretty important. Originally, my plan was not to make a blog on my website again because I have a horrible habit of oversharing, but I realised how much I do need to overshare in order to get things off my mind. She revealed to me that she feared she was pregnant. I helped her get two testing kits and they both came out positive. That in itslef was very scary. We called her boyfriend to make him aware of what they were dealing with and he was such a bum. He kept changing the topic and saying things like, "I'll fck the baby out of you" and other terrible things that she somehow found romantic?? Anyways, I ended up having to comfort her and she started putting me in some fatherly role? I didn't really like that. I'd gladly anyday be there for her, with times like these it's what I need and want to do. But being told I'd be a good father by a woman two years older than me did not feel very good. I put some music on for her and that eventually lightened the mood. After that, her bf's dad came over and took us three on a evening drive. It was going pretty well until he needed to feul up. They started getting all sloppy and it kinda made me feel sick. Ackkk! I came to hang out and help my friend, not watch her make out... Once that nonsense was out the way the rest of the ride was nice. I am now home after all that conundrum and am ready to wind down... zzz sleepyyy. I love my friend cos shes very kind and lets me ramble about my intrests... but shes just getting so strange I am not to sure how much more I can let things slide. Not too sure if I want a social life anymore, but I don't want to be alone either. Hm, I think that's all I needed to let out, thats it from meeeee.